


forbidden

by angramainyu



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Blow Jobs, Dubious Consent, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 11:47:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8623390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angramainyu/pseuds/angramainyu
Summary: When he looks down, he feels guilt.





	

When he looks down, he feels _guilt_.

Guilt stronger than the pleasure he is supposed to feel, guilt stronger than the pleasure he knew his pupil -- that same young, lost boy who had been abandoned by his family at his dojo, that same boy he had raised almost like his own -- wanted him to feel.

Kondou is not sure whether or not he shows it, whether or not his facial expressions say what his mouth could not; but he is sure, regardless, that Okita could read him perfectly. He knew that, as those _once_  innocent eyes stared at him from down below, without blinking, without looking away, Okita could tell that wasn’t _right,_ could tell that Kondou almost wished to forget about that scene before him and pretend they were still only that -- pupil and master.

No, no, he was mistaken.

Those were not _once_  innocent eyes, they still were as innocent as Kondou had always seen them. Eyes that almost screamed _don’t throw me away, I want to be useful for you Kondou-san, as expected of our commander_ ; eyes that were so full of life now, eyes almost like a child’s but eyes that he has never truly seen back at the Shieikan. He is always happy to see them, but not like _this_ , not when his pupil has one of his hands resting on Kondou’s inner thigh and the other at the very base of his member, lips much closer to it than they should ever have been.

When Kondou stares for too long, he can feel his brows furrowing in sadness and something he is sure must be akin to self-hatred; when he does, he can feel perfectly the warmth of Okita’s mouth as he takes part of him in, those green eyes of him never once wavering. When he wants to look away, the commander finds himself unable to. It’s not that it’s _captivating_  (it should be but for a woman, to certainly see such a handsome man in between her legs), but he feels as though Okita would do _something_  to bring Kondou’s attention back to him, requesting, almost _ordering_  those hazel eyes of his to look at him again.

_Look at me, Kondou-san, and nowhere else. Look at only me._

It takes the feeling of Okita’s mouth even further down his length for Kondou to finally let out a breath he had been holding for far too long, and though it’s almost too low for anyone to hear, that small gesture seemed only to instigate the captain a bit more, taking the rest of him in and with the aid of his hand, he bobs his head up and down in a perfect rhythm that Kondou almost thought strange, almost like Okita knew well what he was doing, almost like he had any _experience_  with it--

When stray thoughts make him wonder if that small and loyal boy had imagined himself doing such thing times enough to have at least a bit of tact at that, he can feel his body and erection react in ways that he didn’t _want_  them to, ways that they _shouldn’t_  react because that’s Souji, _Souji_ , the small boy at his dojo that he had promised his sister to take care of.

Maybe he was the one at fault, in the end.

Maybe Kondou had failed at raising that same boy to the point he would have to pay for his mistakes by watching Souji sucking him off with lust painted on his face and a smile stamped on his lips. “S-Souji...”

“Are you feeling good, Kondou-san? Am I doing a good job?” 

He wants _approval_ , the same kind he would sometimes ask back at the dojo, when he was but a child, clinging at his master’s leg every now and then, the same kind even now he would request of Kondou, and he would be rewarded with positive words, a warm smile and a pat on the head. But now, he can’t find himself to say anything, let alone _smile_  at his pupil when he could easily see the drool leaking from the corner of his mouth and dripping onto the floor. Now, the very idea of actually _touching_  Okita’s head and giving him a pat only made Kondou feel sick of his stomach, made him feel like touching his boy would only taint him even further.

Because surely Souji ended up like that because of him, right? Surely he had failed as a guardian.

Okita must have seen the pain and confusion and self-hatred in the commander’s face, because a moment later all those guilty thoughts are broken when the warmth of his pupil’s mouth and the wetness of it are easily felt once more, but with much more enthusiasm and determination. Knowing the captain as he did, it was safe to assume Okita felt guilt different than what Kondou had been experiencing since all of this had started; guilt for not pleasing his master like he _should_  have, guilt for not doing a good job, guilt for not being _useful_. Now, though Kondou tries not to dwell much into the feeling Okita gives him, he can feel much better the way his tongue worked around his erection, sometimes savoring his length and others teasing his tip. 

There is some suction and pressure Okita does at the head that steals moans out of the commander, shameless ones that Kondou is all too embarrassed and guilty about. While one of his hands helped at the base of his cock, sometimes stroking it up and down following the movements of his head, his other hand reached for Kondou’s balls and massaged them as gently as a desperate Okita could manage, but enough to bring Kondou’s palm to his mouth in order to muffle moans that became more and more frequent. 

He knows Okita is starting to get restless and desperate. He can feel it perfectly as his hand is rougher around his member, when his head moves faster than before, sucking with enough pressure to drive Kondou crazy. Fair enough, there were times here and there he could feel some teeth against his skin, all that only brought chills down his spine in something he wished wasn’t _excitement_. 

The worst, however, was that Kondou wasn’t exactly the best at lasting too long when he was so directly given pleasure. The closer he gets, the more he mumbles (or _attempts_  to) Souji’s name, nearly in a begging way, imploring with words that aren’t quite there that he just _moves_ , takes his mouth off of him because if anything, if anything at _all_ , if Kondou was even allowed to ask for something, all he wanted was not to end this in a way that would make him almost wish to commit seppuku.

But Okita, for the first time perhaps, doesn’t comply.

He is even more forceful until there’s cum filling his mouth in spurts that made Kondou cry out loud, eyes shut with too much force-- because this, _this_  was a scene he didn’t want to see, didn’t want to _believe_. Maybe if he remained with his eyes closed for long enough, all of it would start feeling like a dream, a _nightmare_ , and none of it would be real. None of it would have happened, and he would be able to look at Souji in the eye once again without feeling like he had failed him in all possible ways.

But it was as real as it could get, and after a minute or two the commander finally feels himself free of the warmth of Okita’s mouth, yet his biggest mistake had been look at him again.

Look at his pupil and see him swallowing what was never meant to be in his mouth.

“Ahaha, it’s just as I expected. Kondou-san does taste amazing.”

He would never be able to look at Okita once again.


End file.
